Strange blue sandwich filling

Just been making our sandwiches for tomorrow, and thought I would post my recipe for hummus. Yes, I know there are a few ways to spell it, but I'm sticking with this, OK? You do need a liquidiser, though. Take:

4 tablespoons of olive oil. Any oil will do but if you use the extra virgin stuff you got as a Christmas present you won't be able to leave it around the kitchen to impress your friends.

The juice of 1 lemon. Not those horrible plastic lemon things filled with juice. A proper lemon, please.

2 tins of drained chickpeas. You could soak dried chickpeas overnight but then you could just get a life instead.

3/4 teaspoon of salt. Never skimp on the salt. Yes I know it's unhealthy but if you skimp on the salt it won't taste nice, so you'll be disappointed with your sandwich and decide that you should just go join your colleagues having pie and chips and lager at the pub, and that's not healthy either, is it?

1 fresh green chilli. A red one will do if you don't have a green one. A dried one will do if necessary. Or even a splash of chilli sauce. Hey, why be fussy?

A 1/2 teaspoon each of cumin, coriander, paprika and turmeric. Although it will still be OK if you don't have any of these, really.

2 cloves of garlic. A snack and a way of preventing Michael Howard coming to dinner, all in one. I make this quite often and he's not come to dinner once. QED.

A bunch of fresh parsley. This is ideal, but the recipe is still fine without it (I didn't use any tonight), and we're trying to create a last minute sandwich filling from stuff you have in your fridge; unless you're Nigella Lawson, you probably don't have fresh parsley in your fridge, so don't stress about it.

Whizz the food processor until it is smooth. The hummus, that is, not the food processor, which of necessity has sharp bits and cannot, therefore, by definition be smooth.

Put it between any two pieces of bread you fancy, but make sure the hummus is at least 1/2 inch thick. This goes for most sandwich fillings. Except marmite.

Scoff at work the next day. Unless you are really hungry and can't be bothered making dinner after all that, in which case you can just sit down in front of an old re-run of Casualty on UK Gold and scoff the lot, and go to the pub for pie and chips and lager tomorrow.