Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Room 101

And this week's candidate is:

Cinema audiences.

Firstly, those cinema audiences caused by that strange recent cinema habit of giving people particular seats before they go into the screening. Now, previously, the system adopted by most cinemas worked very well. You got your ticket, you chose your seat. You arrived early, you got the best seats. You arrived late, you spread out where you could.

Nowadays, you get allocated a seat, which means, more often than not, that a half empty cinema doesn't get to spread itself out; we just cluster in an unnatural block of 70 or so, shoulder to shoulder, annoying each other. And if you booked by phone several hours ago, and your seats are right in the middle of everybody else, then you shuffle past them to the seats, creating great disruption. And it's never the gentle, self-effacing types who do this; it's always the people with about five kids, all spilling their monster drinks as they go, making about as much fuss as Elton John after being told that there's an international florists' strike.

Which brings me on to children. Now, if I go to something like Harry Potter, I naturally expect children to be in the audience. I don't mind this. However, if you bring your child to a film screening, can you not, for the love of God, make sure it can s*dding sit still for at least two hours!! Otherwise it shouldn't be in a cinema, should it?

Oh, and lastly, what is with those odd people who insist on staying until the very last credit. The film is over, there's some rather crap music playing, we all need to edge past you to get last orders at the pub, but no. You sit there with strangely intense expressions, fascinated to learn who was "key grip" on Batman Returns. What is this strange ritual? Are you related to somebody in the crew? Or do you think there might be some secret ending divulged only to those who stay to the very end? Does Humphrey Bogart decide to go off with Ingrid Bergman at the very end of the credits?

And is it worth getting a Cornetto down your neck courtesy of a disgruntled usher?


Blogger Cybrludite said...

Actually, having gone to a college with a big communications department, I watch the entire credits to look for familiar names. That and a number of films do throw in some last-minute jokes or other neat stuff in or after the credits. (Example: Hitchhiker's Guide with a bonus bit from the Guide or the outtakes that follow Jackie Chan flicks)

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