Tonight we will be mostly having curry made with what's left in the fridge. I'm a gourmet, me. Oh, I'm feeling generous, have the recipe!
Take 4 onions. Well, take as many onions as you need to use before you go on holiday. 4 is probably a bit much, but you could just call it a jalfrezi. Chop. Also chop as many cloves of garlic as you need to use up at the same time. Place in a pan and heat, stirring gently.
If you have three tablespoons of slightly dry salsa dip that's been hanging around since the wekend when you had friends round, you may as well bung them in too. Don't worry if you don't have any rather unsavoury-looking condiments, though.
Add liberal dashes of cumin, garam masala and coriander. The dried coriander stuff that's cheap, not the posh herby green stuff. You're not Rick Stein, you're somebody using the crap in their fridge. Your fridge, that is, not Rick Stein's. Otherwise you'd be having oysters and langoustines, or something. Not crap curry. And people like you don't have fresh coriander in their fridge. Add turmeric. You get a bit distracted while you're adding the turmeric, so it actually has quite a lot more than the average recipe would suggest. Meh. You've got cloves and cardamom pods as well, so go for the full monty, four of each. And three small green chillis too. And some salt and a chicken stock cube while you're at it. The more the merrier. Add water. How much water? Well, until it looks about right to you.
Reach deep into the cupboard and find the last of the potatoes you bought a couple of weeks ago. Cut off the sprouting bits. Peel them, cut into pieces an inch across, and add to the pot. Simmer for 10 minutes and then add 3 courgettes, finely sliced.
You may not have three courgettes, in which case any spare vegetables will do, unless they are something completely unexotic like turnips or cabbage. Simmer for a further 10 minutes.
Add the slightly dry remains of your three day old roast chicken. Simmer for a further 10 minutes.
Serve with rice, and look forward to your holiday.